Every big decision takes a leap of faith (for me, anyways). Perhaps it's because every act, every connection, every friendship is founded on an emotional and mental investment. Venezuela has been this fuzzy and distant idea in my mind that I talk about like something that hasn't been coming my way, but now that I'm less than 48 hours away, it's finally getting to me that this is way too real.
A part of me wishes that I could stay just for a few more days and......tie up loose ends? I feel like I have an abundance of unfinished business, things left unsaid and things left out of place. I'm leaving my best friend for 4 months and if there were any way to verbalize how wrong this feels, I'd express it. It's been nearly impossible to stuff 4 months of conversations, hugs, advice, and understanding into 5 days but I still feel like I should.
On the other hand, I feel the strongest urge to jump into this experience and leave things where they are despite every bit of confusion, frustration, and uncertainty that I'm feeling. I hate to say that I'm running away, but those shoes feel so good right about now so I'll go ahead and wear them. The truth is, this semester is right on time after a stressful school year and an even more overwhelming summer. I've lost friendships, strengthened others, and some continue to keep me in a state of disorientation and uncertainty. And the best thing I could ask for at this point is the chance to get away and stop thinking about everything and everyone that has held my attention for so long. Forget a leap, I'm nose-diving.
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